A LOT has been going on lately and I have not been able to keep up my blog...so I'm trying to get back into it.
Samuel and Anderson did both end up getting helmets to help correct their head shape. It's common in twins to need this treatment since they get so squished in the womb that their heads become misshapen since there's limited space....and I did deliver them full term with almost 14 pounds of baby in there! The problem? Each band costs $2000 (this is the DISCOUNTED price...they usually run 3200 or 3600...can't remember which) and is NOT covered by insurance. We found out about a week ago that Anderson will also need a second band to complete his head shape correction which totals $6000 so far out of our pocket for helmets. On top of that in the past two months we have payed for our sewer to be unclogged and a brand new water heater...neither of these are inexpensive! We are also just had our downstairs heater fixed today....it was freezing outside and we had no heat downstairs.
I drive and hour and a half each way to the babies' helmet appointments and they have them every Thursday and take up most of my day. As I had plenty of time to ponder how I was going to come up with the additional $2000 for Anderson's next helmet (that he MUST have measurements for done next week and they won't even start the process until you have paid), I found myself praying about the situation. I have pondered about 4 different ways we could make this work on top of all our other expenses (i.e. we are still paying for Audrey's surgery each month as well as the twins' delivery) While I could have been very depressed about the situation (and sometimes am) this time I wasn't. I was just THANKFUL.....thankful that I live in a place where my babies CAN have this done. The ladies at the office tell me that people come from not only different states because it is the closest place but even different countries because this technology is not available where they are at. The families just sacrifice and will live in the U.S. for the 3-6 months it take for the correction to be completed. I drive a long way, but I always hear other people in the waiting room who have come so much farther. The lady I met today in the waiting room has to drive 3 hours one way each week! I was also thankful that I have FOUR different options on how I am going to try to pay for this. Basically....I know we'll find the money somehow and I'm grateful for that. I'm also grateful that I did go full term with my babies and that this is the problem we are facing instead of the same money we could be spending on NICU time they may have had if they were born earlier as MOST sets of twins are. I'd rather be in this situation. I'm also so grateful just to have my babies. It seems so long ago, but it wasn't THAT long ago that I thought I wouldn't be able to have any children at all....EVER! So, my prayer was mainly about THANKS! Thanks for the home I live in now that comfortably houses all my children - we moved in just 2 months before they arrived. Our previous home would have never held us all. So, even though there's bills to pay on repairing things for this house...I am so grateful for this lovely home! I'm so thankful that I am a stay at home mommy and I can take them each and every week to this appt. and that I can take Audrey to the Dr. whenever I need to and not have to worry about taking time off of work and how much sick time I've already used up or vacation days. It is my JOB to take care of them and even though its hard ...... I really do love it. I LOVE being their mommy and being the one who is there for them all day long....and I'm thankful for my wonderful husband. I'm so glad I have a true partner in life. He really is my best friend. :)
Normally when I pray, my prayers are full of thanks because we're asked to do so. Even if I had a terrible day, whenever it was time to pray, I would begrudgingly pray about what I was thankful for because its what you're supposed to do. Some people find this strange because its not the way they pray (I'm shocked at how many people thought this was strange until I found out I was in the minority at a bible study not too long ago.) but I hardly ever pray for anything about myself.....ever. I can think of so many more important things than myself to pray about. Whenever I pray....I think about my niece, Lindsey, who has Tay-Sachs and then suddenly all my concerns seem trite and absolutely ridiculus to pray to the Creator of the world about! I know some people say....pray about everything....even if you lose your keys or are having a bad hair day....but my relationship with God just isn't that way.
So anyway today as I was praying in the car on my way back from the helmet appt. I was saying a prayer of thanks as I normally do....and the amazing part? I ACTUALLY felt completely and totally thankful without the feeling of "I am thankful but I really wish we didn't have this bill to pay" or "I am thankful but it'd be better if it was this way instead of that way." I didn't feel resentment or overwhelmed....just peaceful. Now THAT is of God.....to be peaceful in spite of all of this. I know I will be taken care of and so will my children. I knew that as I was thinking of the FOUR ways I have available to me to try to pay for my children's helmets.
My point is....I try to be respectful of God and pray for all the good things he has given me and not to complain or ask for things. A lot of the time though I would still be upset or frustrated about all the things that don't exactly go my way or seem so unfair in life....I just wouldn't mention them in my prayer. (I've discussed in a previous post how I'm usually a cynical person.) This time I was truly happy and just at peace and grateful for everything.....now that's amazing! :)
Anderson in his helmet
and Samuel in his.